pregnant

was it last week or the week before or another week before that

W told me she's pregnant

earlier in the yr, she told me she wanted to go to Europe before she gets pregnant

i guess that wont materialize

she is but a yr older, i guess time is ripe. when her mom was her age, she was already 9 yrs old

ppl who love children should have more of them, espeically if they can afford it.

i havent lived enough to give up the freedom, the lazy days and nights when i just lounge around home, do nothing and rot.
i havent had enough of idyllic lifestyle.
i havent seen the world yet
i havent pampered myself enough
i havent had a chance to hv enough $ to splurge and pamper myself
i havent had enough $ to let my parents enjoy life abit

with a child, all these wld vanish forever.

i want to be free, come as i wish, go as i please

is that so wrong?

if you think this is not what you want, you can leave me.

there is a chance that i wld be more depressed with a child.
there is a chance i wld be utterly jealous of your r/s with it.
there is a chance that i wld just let go and get the hell out of your lives.
i could almost see that.

i loathe her. i cant explain more.
let me try, try very hard.
well, i think she is troublesome.
i think she is pure trouble.
i dont likeand am irritated by her.
seriously, she aint cute but thats not the point.
just dont feel the same zest and amusement as u when it comes to her.
i hate to be bogged down.
u know i have a short fuse.
i blow my top when she irritates me and u know that's y i avoid her.
i hate the way she is brought up.
unruly, a child.
no control.
eats as she pleases.
stuffs herself silly with junk food.
is perpetually sick.
and the best part is, the parent dun give a damn and encourages soft drinks!
she is already hyper and the extra sugar wld make her even worse.
what can i say?
i hv said what i need to.
i hate it when she licks her own snot, drinks it up...and no one bothers,i figured, since no one bothers, why shld i?
i hate it wh she tries to suck up to me jz to get some food fr me, some food not normally available to her.
i hate ppl sucking up to me, in general, not jz her.
sucking up to me jz WONT WORK!
i really loathe it when he gives in to her whining and crying and attention getting.
i wont succumb cz i know, being an audience encourages the act.
she knows my stand and she wld NEVER come crying to me. U see, it wks. the brat knows.
to hell! not my kid anyway, but it still bothers me.
i swear that i wont let my kid (if, unfortunately, i become pregnant) be brought up that way. NO WAY.
i m protective and will be overly protective to my kid.
i know cz i worry too much.
i can foresee it will wear me out and wear me down
i think too much.
i worry too much.
friends said i shld jz go ahead, take the plunge
cz the more u think the more u wont.
the mind self-justifies and finds more and more reason not to take the plunge.


C said i was jealous. maybe.